My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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