I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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