pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize