STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
