I want to have your abortion
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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