i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
