walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
