Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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