Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
