I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
