Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
