ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
