So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
