you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We smell like vodka and hangover
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