If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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