So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
