Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
