he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
