everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
