I heard we made out
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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