I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
