My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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