Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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