I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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