my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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