last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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