I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
