Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
