The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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