there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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