I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
