Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize