idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
