I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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