The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
