This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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