Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
