How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
