I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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