Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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