Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
