I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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