I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
