I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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