then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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