i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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