Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
