You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
