I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
