Midget sex pt 2 tonight
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
