I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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