you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
