I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
