big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
