I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
