I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
