it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
