Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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