Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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