I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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