Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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