I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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