There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize