New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
