Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
