Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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