2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize