eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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