ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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