You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
