I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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