I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
