I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Houston, we have a blender
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
