I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
