i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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