The maid of honor just puked.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
