Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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