ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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