had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
