I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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