saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
