I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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