it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
