Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
