I am in a vortex of obligation.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
