and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
