So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
