then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize