is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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