my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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