fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
