rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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