You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
