Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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