I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
