She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
